The Absolutely Boring Life of Mya Page 2

always wants to know how I am doing. We have talked a while and he’s a good friend. He loved me before I started going out with the fool who cheated on me. I turned him down because that fool was his friend and neighbor. Yeah, wonder how a guy would go behind his friend and steal the girl. So yeah, he’s always been persistent and this time around I could tell he had high hopes of getting through to me. I cannot comprehend all this. Truth be told, well Wayne has no hopes at all, because according to his profile on Facebook he is in a relationship with my best friend Gloria! Boys can dog but as a girl I do not bitch. I think he is better off with Gloria and all that could ever be between us is nothing but friendship-simple friendship is all I can afford, now where’s Cupid so I can slap him on the face? Isn’t he taught how to aim right? With Wayne he had aimed his arrow at Gloria and she accepted it, now it had better stick there.

  Clive

  Okay…I like Clive! Clive does not like me! How stupid can a guy be? I mean, at times I feel like Taylor Swift always there singing “You belong with me” at times when it is very clear that he isn’t paying attention my mind starts playing Avril Lavigne’s “Girlfriend.” I have known Clive since high school. He is the guy who is not only sweet but displays an ounce of honesty. He does not mind the fact that I am weird and that I collect quotes. He actually asked me to tell him about him and how I know which quote goes into my collection, how cool is that really? L really likes Clive because she thinks his height is to die for. He is also six feet tall. He is dark and simple. He likes to sit back, read, listen to people and at times simply likes his own space. I know for a fact that a dude who takes time off everything and seeks his own conscience is a thoughtful one. He is thoughtful and yeah…has an awesome smile which I cannot describe. I think that Cupid was right in his aim but only at the wrong time. He is hell bent on getting his life straight. He is done with school too and on him lays the pressure to work and simply show his independence. He has a degree in Journalism. He however focused on the technical side with his desire to be a producer or technical controller. I have seen him around machines and I swear he’d be better off as a technical controller. I have been to their home. They have a lovely green home that is full of such beauty you’d stay there your whole life. In the middle of their home lies this huge mango tree that seems to be taking up the whole compound. The first time I saw it I recalled a short poem I had read in my second year at the university “I see a tree. A tree ti hi hi.” I found that poem hilarious and this got me laughing in his presence. I blush a whole lot around him and D saw that cupid had shot right through me with Clive. L and D now insist that I am weird because I haven’t made known my feelings to Clive. So where do I start defending myself? Okay, hold that thought I have to go downstairs and listen to my Dad’s account of how ignorant Kenyans are.

  Ttyl, QOD (Queen of Drama)

  Session 3: Friends suck!

  Okay this is one of those days where people think you are pmsing! I am not pmsing, friends suck! Scratch that, L and D suck! Yeah they suck big time! I could lift them up and simply watch them say their prayers before dropping them down! L talked to David today and she likes him. Can you believe that my best friend likes the guy I find irksome? Do not dare say that tastes are different or something like opposites attract. When it comes to L and D those two laws by Newton do not apply. Wait; was it Newton who came up with them? That guy who was inspired by an apple that hit his head? Well I wish a log hit him instead; maybe he would have understood how peaceful death is! So L likes David. She does not want to go out with him, but she feels as though he would be the ideal guy for me. He is arrogant, doubtful and is all about winning. I am the listening type and so we are a match made in Heaven! L has lost it. They are good friends on Facebook and I saw her post on his wall “hey, awesome meeting you today, have a fab weekend.” They are also good friends on twitter and his tweet to her was “@The_David: anytime, will holla when am around, tk care @Lovelylucy.” When I saw that I knew I was in trouble because he had won her over like he had with my family. So when I checked my timeline I get one from him saying “@The_David: hey you, had a fab time, y’all should come to our place nxt time @QueenMya”

  So I told him “Cool. RT @The_David: hey you, had a fab time, y’all should come to our place nxt time @QueenMya”

  Well we have been through a lot with my friends and when I need their help they simply jump ship and save their skins. I must admit that I was hurt listening to L go on about how good she knows that David and I would be. One thing you ought to know about me is that I am a Pepsi can. I do not love Pepsi because their brand is just second-rate. If you have had a sip of Coke, why would you want to have the disgusting flat taste of Pepsi? I am loyal to my Fanta Pineapple and before she hit the market I was great mates with Fanta Orange and Fanta BlackCurrant. I call them Energy and Gas. Fanta BlackCurrant makes me belch every second but she is awesome! Getting sugar high is way cooler than getting wasted! I am a serious Pepsi can! If there are two things you ought to know about Pepsi Cola, is that first it is frizzy and second it is flat. Taking it is like taking cold coffee, and I am not talking about an iced mocha. Mocha is coffee and chocolate. This is the greatest insult to coffee. Coffee is purely coffee don’t try and mix it up with anything else. I wouldn’t mind taking an iced mocha though! I keep things to myself and when I ought to let out my frustration all you get is a smile and my back as I walk away. That is precisely what I did when L kept talking about David. They caught up with me ten minutes later three blocks away from our house. I do not mean to be rude or emotional but at that moment all I could think of was how miserable I was. If I can get my folks to buy me what I want but certainly don’t need, why can’t I walk up to Clive and go “I like you a lot!” Well, this is not a movie and though it is the 21st Century I am stuck in the 16th Century! I believe that it is much better for a guy to say he likes you at least that way he will work hard to keep you. If you go ahead and make the first move you can easily make the first exit! I do not want to exit from a relationship with Clive if any materializes. So that’s why I am reluctant to tell him anything. So now here goes the better part of my talk with my annoying two friends:

  L: so what if I think David is good for you?

  Me: I don’t like him L and that’s what you fail to see.

  L: I see it alright, but your mind is all over Clive to even see the good in David! Am I right D?

  D: You keep me out of your thoughts, I think we have gone through everything and besides, Clive is single, and so is Mya she ought to go after him. It’s all about the heart L.

  L: Heart my foot! Mya is head over heels in love with a guy who doesn’t even know she exists in that capacity. There’s David who has made his intentions clear and all she needs to do is give him the chance and be open minded.

  Me: could we just drop this?

  D: I’m sorry Mya but you have to go with what you feel and if your heart tells you it is Clive what do you have to lose by telling him that you like him? Haven’t you ever heard that the longest distance is the one where you are standing before your love and he/she cannot see you? Go tell Clive.

  L: Your loss Mya, do what you want to do, but as far as I’m concerned you are playing hardball. Give all three a chance-see beyond the surface and choose, what about Wayne?

  Me: he is dating Gloria and I am not a home breaker.

  L: What home? Are they married?

  D: Jesus! Keep your negative thoughts to yourself L!

  Me: hey D, they are not so negative by law they are married because they have been staying together for three years, the last time I checked three is a step ahead of two.

  D: Are you for real? I know I have been going out with Michael but to stay with him right now is like throwing my freedom card out of the window.

  Me: So you are not serious with him?

  D: Serious? Is anyone on campus ever seriously committed to their relationship? L do you hear what Mya is feeding me?

  L: Mya is special; leave her out of our drama. Sh
e’s in love with a guy who doesn’t feel the same way and she is hanging around hoping he will, so that makes her no different. We are also dating guys we have no future with and they are hanging around hoping they have something with us, same old same old stuff!

  Me: See you later on. I have to go home and work on some applications okay?

  D: Right now?

  L: Did we offend you Mya?

  Me: No, I just have to go. Goodnight.

  I must have shed a tear or two as I ran home. I haven’t answered their calls all night and now that it’s almost midnight all I can listen to is some Creed. I am listening to their song “Higher” and it hurts reflecting on what L and D said. Have you ever watched that film “the Ugly Truth” starring Katherine Heigl and Gerrard Butler? Gerrard tells Heigl in the movie that “the truth is really ugly, isn’t it?” I must confess that is part of my quote collection. “The truth is really ugly, isn’t it?” It still is and now instead of talking to my friends here I am listening to Creed and wondering “Can you take me Higher?” So guess now I know what most characters in the classics felt as they tried to make their beloved notice them. It is an awful feeling and for once I will admit that I am not well. I am tormented by