The Absolutely Boring Life of Mya Page 3

a feeling that I cannot comprehend, is it love or fear? Love is beautiful and it expands everything while fear makes everything shrink. I like Clive and I am afraid of making my true feelings known because he might just not feel the same way. Life is crazy and now it sucks! My life is boring and instead of having some action all it has is inaction. I feel like Hamlet in the castle talking to himself “to be or not to be, that is the question…whether tis’ nobler…” I feel like Hamlet without a sword and Horatio! I guess I will be good tomorrow before I meet Clive. We are having lunch and taking a walk around the city. I have to listen to some music before I drift to sleep, thanks for sticking around thus far…hope you hang around more.

  Ttyl, QOH (Queen of Heartache)

  Session 4: Things I’ll never say

  Clive came for lunch at 2:00pm. He was carrying his portfolio with him and he looked so worn out. I was in the shower when he came in. My brother saw him in and engaged him in conversation till I was done. He bought me a gift. Actually gifts: a sketch pad and set of paintbrushes. I couldn’t thank him enough because I loved them. I sketch in my free time and for him to have remembered that just took my breath away. He however asked me not to sketch him and even though I have already done that I said I wouldn’t. It is true that what you don’t know doesn’t kill you. He has no clue and I would like to keep it that way. I prepared some rice and vegetable stew which we had before we left. Unlike David I can be silent around Clive and he wouldn’t mind. David always asks me “Talk to me” but with Clive he listens. It’s more like he knows my mind is somewhere and he doesn’t demand to have it at that moment. When you are in the presence of nature if words escape your senses then you are the special one. In nature I am always speechless. I always see some pencil strokes in an attempt to express such beauty, at times I simply let the memory stick in my head for a later time. As we made our way through the crowd of people rushing home, he reached out for my hand. I felt an inferno overtake me but didn’t withdraw. My hand fits in his hand so beautifully. It reminds me of Daniel Bedingfield’s song “If you’re not the One” where he asks “if you’re not the one then why does your hand fit in mine?” I didn’t think twice of it. When I am around Clive I am me! I laugh heartily, smile and at times though my mind drifts away I feel as though the real me is there. We walked around the city often snacking at various restaurants before he saw me home and then left for his. I like Clive and he likes me too, but just as a friend. I will not tell him what I feel for him. I will not go up to him and tell him that I like him. I will not go to him and ask him to be my boyfriend again. I am an old soul and something stops me from doing so, call it fear or punishment. I will keep sketching if I have to or pick up my internship to simply get immersed in something other than him. He is a good guy. He is a Christian not by words but by action too. He is respectful and most of all a good listener. The spark is most definitely between us. Every time I am around him I light up, but what if he likes me? Well, I don’t believe in destroying petals in an attempt to know if he does love me! I am also a coward because I cannot ask him right out. L and D were right, what do I have to lose? Nothing, and that’s the truth. He called to let me know he had gotten home. He also did take time and tweet me “@Clive003: Hey awesome, it was fab hanging out with you, sketch away the night @QueenMya”

  “@QueenMya: thanks for coming over, t’was cool seeing you, already sketching @Clive003

  I sketched our hands- just as he held it as we walked around the city. I might not be the girl he is looking for and somehow sketching it has made me know that there is so much to love that I can never explain. I was in the kitchen a while back fetching a glass of water when suddenly a long quote came to mind. See, it is said that any good writer will have not their characters but their opening lines stuck in your head. For fairy tales people know “once upon a time…” These tales also end with “and they lived happily ever after.” Dickens is famous for his lines “It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.” Jane Austen is known for “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a large fortune must be in want of a wife.” The quote that came to mind in the kitchen was from Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night. The opening lines of the first scene of act one the Duke says “If music be the food of love, play on.” So does that mean that I quit? Sadly so it does. I am not Taylor Swift or Avril to ask Clive to look at me through a song. I am not a writer to come up with the right words to woo him. I am not even a poet to make him understand how I feel. The truth is I am an artist. I can make him see what I see through strokes on a canvas, but I am not ready to take that risk. I will stick to what we have now. I will accept his friendship and go for that. I will be a good friend and if he happens to fall in love with another girl, I will pray every night that she treats him well because he’s special. I need to go down stairs now and listen to what my Dad has to say about my internship. We are to set out at the same time for work. If I am right, I will be leaving the house at 6:30am with them for town. I start working officially with gossips as a writer. I do not know which is worse their belief that I write better than I edit or that I will put on a suit to work? Yeah that’s pretty much it. I will not be talking to you now that I start working for gossips. I might be home at 8:00pm like my folks and might simply collapse on my bed till the next day. I do not know which is worse, crying myself to sleep now or the fact that I feel as though I should lock my door and cry myself to sleep. I need to talk to my Dad first then maybe I will drink a soda to celebrate my integration into the workforce. So before I leave you hanging or snoring, let me tell you the truth. I will be honest with you because I think I have nothing to lose. You already know that this is The Absolutely Boring Life and Encounters of Mya. We have also settled that my name is Mya and I am 22 years old. I love my life however boring it is. I would not trade my life for another because I have so much to experience. L and D might be annoying but I still love them. L has this boyfriend whom we all can’t stand because he smokes. She loves him and he seems faithful to her. D on the other hand has Michael who adores her to his soul. She is not serious about him but he is giving their relationship his all. Cupid aimed three arrows at me: gold, silver and bronze. I cherished the golden arrow because I like Clive but seems as though Cupid is still going around aiming at people’s hearts, or maybe he is waiting for the gods to change his diaper for Clive doesn’t seem to feel the inferno I feel when we are together. David is the silver arrow, and I turned it down because I am not myself around him. I get more irked and restless around him than I do anyone else. Wayne already has a girlfriend and I think his arrow would have been crafted from mud such that it’d fall before it got to me. I should have titled this journal as “Mya’s folly.” It would have made more sense then. Now that all the cards are on the table I will let you in on one last conversation-the one that I had with D.

  D: Hey, Mya sorry if we did offend you. We never meant to do so.

  Me: Let’s forget about that, what’s good?

  D: Mya can I ask you something?

  Me: Sure

  D: Do you like Clive or do you love him?

  Me: What do you think?

  D: Stop playing those mind games with me girl, just say it out loud and maybe your heart will feel much better.

  Me: I don’t know if it’s right anymore D

  D: What did he do?

  Me: He’s still Clive. He’s still my friend and maybe I need to take it for what it is and let it be.

  D: Seriously Mya? OMG! You love Clive. Hey can I come over now?

  Me: Why do you want to come over?

  D: You need a friend Mya. You finally find the guy your heart can’t stop beating for and he doesn’t see it, can we investigate and let you in on our findings, because I know any guy would be lucky to have you Mya, you are beautiful in and out.

  Me: I am okay Mya. I start work tomorrow, finally?

  D: You need to say it Mya, you have to get it out of you…you might get some sleep

  Me: Goodnight D
.

  D: Mya…if you need a friend know I am always here okay?

  Me: Thanks love, and get some sleep.

  D: Hugs!

  Me: Kisses!

  Tomorrow’s a brand new day.

  Ttyl, QOS (Queen of Silence)

  Appointment booking: 9:00am, Thursday.

  I have learned a few things in life. First, people expect the world of others but themselves. Second whatever little you have cherish. Third, when you complain something doesn’t change in fact it keeps getting worse. Four…well, there is a lot more to do with expression than I will ever admit. So, we will be seeing each other tomorrow as I fill you in on my day. I have nothing much to do today but watch television and listen to radio. I tried sketching but nothing good comes to mind so I have to take a break. Picasso is believed to have once said “Art cannot be rushed.” He was right even though he became famous after he died! I can sit down to a good book but when it comes to sketching just one stroke is enough to give the sketch a different meaning. There is no room for spontaneity on a canvas and even though people think there ought to be, I will tell you the truth, there isn’t. If your pencil or brush makes a stroke somewhere unintended you go with the flow instead of trying to fix